The Destruction of Self Deception

We may never, in this life, get completely beyond a self-satisfied view of ourselves.

I myself wandered for many years, smug, self-congratulatory, elated with every single thing I said, did, and thought.

It took a series of tragic disasters in my life, brought on by my own karma, to jolt me out of my self-hypnosis, to brutally awaken me from the cozy Psycho Self Esteem dream state into which I had been lulled by success, popularity, and constant gratifications.

We stop deceiving ourselves when we see in the mirror of relationship that we are worse than we thought we were.

We stop making excuses for our "little vices and flaws" when we start evaluating ourselves against a higher standard than "everybody else is doing it" or "there are far worse people than me".

We see ourselves a little more clearly when we exhaust all our resources, hit rock bottom, find ourselves all alone and without hope -- and then the egotistic stories we tell ourselves no longer ring true.

It's nothing short of a miracle when a catastrophic upheaval in our souls occurs. It's painful. It can lead to suicidal self-loathing and overwhelming fear.

But if you've never been there, some day, if you're fortunate, if fate or karma or the hand of God comes down upon you -- oh blessed and miserable day! -- you will get the stuffing knocked out of you and you'll emerge a better person.

It has little to do with social conditioning or political brainwashing. It's far more personal and intimate than that. It's all about your ego, your defensive fortress of false tales, your carefully established comfort zone, "beautiful lies you can live in" as Leonard Cohen once put it.

May you have such a glorious tragic event soon.

And may you arise broken, limping like Jacob after wrestling with the angel, and euphoric with a self that is shattered and re-assembled in a more truthful and honest portrayal, so you may then, perhaps for the first time in your life, really make some spiritual progress.

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